HaHa

_________________
If your clutch ain't slippin,, you probably got it adjusted right!!!!!

Good Grief! Talk about when things go horribly wrong!!! I wonder how long it took for him to have the conversation with his brother............

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

If this is a repost, sorry......

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers



Tower: 'Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!'

Delta 351: 'Give us another hint! We have digital watches!'
**************************************************************************************************

Tower: 'TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.'

TWA 2341: 'Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?'

Tower: 'Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?'
****************************************************************************************************

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: 'United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound.'

United 329: 'Approach, I've always wanted to say this .. I've got the little Fokker in sight..'
****************************************************************************************************

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.



While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, 'What was your last known position?'



Student: 'When I was number one for takeoff.'
***************************************************************************************************

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: 'American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.'
****************************************************************************************************

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): 'Ground, what is our start clearance time?'

Ground (in English): 'If you want an answer you must speak in English.'

Lufthansa (in English): 'I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?'

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): 'Because you lost the bloody war!'
****************************************************************************************************

Tower: 'Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7'

Eastern 702: 'Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.'

Tower: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?'

BR Continental 635: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers.'
****************************************************************************************************

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, 'What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?'



The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: 'I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one..'
****************************************************************************************************

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: ' Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway.' Ground: 'Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.'



The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: 'Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?'

Speedbird 206: 'Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now.'

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): 'Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?'

Speedbird 206 (coolly): 'Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark -- and I didn't land.'
*************************************************************************************************

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

'US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!' Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
‘Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?'



'Yes, ma'am,' the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.


Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking, 'Wasn't I married to you once?'

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Bet you didn't know this:

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the
eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people
a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your butt and see if it
doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

to firebug


A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.



The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.



'Thanks,' the girl replied.



The firefighter looked a little closer.



The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles....'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.



The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

_________________

Now you know why my Driver Engineer has a string running up my pants leg

_________________
If your clutch ain't slippin,, you probably got it adjusted right!!!!!

Love this phone call....
**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**


**'Hello?'**


**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**



**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**



**After a brief pause,**


**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**


**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now.'**


Brief Pause.


**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**



**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**


**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**


**'I did it, Daddy.'**

**'And what happened, honey?' **


'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**



**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**



**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**



**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**


**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**


**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**


*****Long Pause*****



*****Longer Pause*****



*****Even Longer Pause*****



**Then Daddy says,**


**'Swimming pool? ...........**


**Is this 486-5731?'*



**No, I think you have the wrong number.........

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM WHEN ON A BUDGET :

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16
work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a
copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
'Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more
ammo, back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked
the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think
Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

P S - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.'

INSTALLATION COMPLETE!!!!

Redneck Security Company

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.

'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are - 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now...
'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'


'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'





'Because you got an F in sex

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Gentle Thoughts for Today -




Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement .

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.'

If you think there is good in everybody, you
haven't met everybody.


If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . .. . . . . . . AMEN!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

> LETTER
> FROM AN
> IOWA FARM KID
>
> (NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT
> TRAINING)
>
> Dear
> Ma and Pa,
>
> I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt
> and Brother Elmer the Marine Corp s beats
> working for old man
> Minch by a mile. Tell them to
> join up
> quick before all of the places are
> filled.
>
> I was
> restless at first because you got to stay
> in bed till nearly
> 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like
> to
> sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you
> do before breakfast is
> smooth your cot, and shine some things.
> No hogs to slop, feed
> to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split,
> fire to lay. Practically
> nothing.
>
> Men got to shave but it is not so bad,
> there's warm water. Breakfast is
> strong on trimmings like
> fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc.,
> but kind of weak on
> chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried
> eggplant, pie and other
> regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you
> can always sit by
> the two city boys that live on coffee.
> Their food, plus yours,
> holds
> you until noon
> when you get fed again.
> It's no
> wonder these city boys can't walk
> much.
>
> We go on 'route
> marches,' which
> the platoon sergeant says are long walks
> to harden us. If he
> thinks so, it's not my place to tell
> him different. A 'route
> march' is about as far as to our
> mailbox at home. Then the
> city guys get sore feet and we all ride
> back in t rucks.
>
>
> The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is
> like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The
> captain is like the
> school board. Majors and colonels just
> ride around and frown.
> They don't bother you none.
>
> This next will kill Walt
> and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting
> medals for shooting. I
> don't know why. The bulls-eye is near
> as big as a chipmunk
> head and don't move, and it ain't
> shooting at you like the
> Higgett boys at home. All you got to do
> is lie there all
> comfortable and hit it. You don't
> even load your own
> cartridges. They come in boxes.
>
> Then we have what they
> call hand-to-hand combat training. You
> get to wrestle with
> them city boys. I have to be real careful
> though, they break
> real easy. It ain't like fighting
> with that ole bull at home.
> I'm about the best they got in this
> except for that Tug Jordan
> from over in Silver
>
> Lake. I only beat him once. He
> joined
> up the same time as me, but I'm only
> 5'6' and 130 pounds and
> he's 6'8 ' and near 300
> pounds dry.
>
> Be sure to tell
> Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before
> other fellers get onto
> this setup and come stampeding in.
>
> Your loving
> daughter,
>
> Alice
>
>
>
>

I'm pretty sure that Alice is a cousin of ours ......

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Littly Johnny-isms.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'


* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'


* * * * * * * * * * *

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'


* * * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?'


* * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.'

* * * * * * * * *

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The wife says, "Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

The husband yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get the hell out!"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and
you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when
you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Problems With Irregularity?

This is a quick and easy cure......It certainly worked for me.

If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation,
look in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:

"My financial and personal well being are totally in
the hands of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmanuel, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, and Al Gore"


If that doesn't scare the crap out of you, then you are
probably destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.

There is no need to thank me for this advice; I'm just
doing a public service.

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER
TICKET.

SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT
BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND
RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE
WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M
MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS,
"OH, I'M SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE
SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.

I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON.

_________________
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
M
A
G
A

Add your own caption

_________________
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
M
A
G
A

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red........................Cherry
Yellow....................Lemon
Green....................Lime
Orange..................Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.

'Well,' she said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God!! They're ass-holes..

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES


Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.
You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD -40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Daily Thought:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

(you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses)

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror

There are teachers .. and then there are educators!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Worth reposting.............

A young man goes into the Job Center in downtown Taylorsville and sees a card
advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested, he goes to learn more; 'Can you give me more details?' he
asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, 'The job entails getting the
ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their
underwear, help them lie down comfortably, carefully wash their Personal
and Private area, apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub
in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.

There's an annual salary of $65,000, but you're going to have to go to
Albuquerque , New Mexico . That's about 475 miles from here.'
'Good grief, is that where the job is?'

'No sir --- that's where the end of the line is right now.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A psychiatrist was conducting a group
therapy session with four young mothers
and their small children. 'You all have
obsessions,' he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You
are so obsessed with eating. that you've even
named your daughter Candy.'
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your
obsession is with money. Again, it
manifests itself in your child's name,
Penny.'
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your
obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself -
in your child's name, Brandy.'
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy,
quietly got up, took her little boy by the
hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, this
guy has no idea what he's talking about.
Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from
school and go get dinner.'

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

You will notice that the record shows that she hit him
6 out of 6?

A woman was called in front of a Texas grand jury for manslaughter after she shot a mugger 6 times
in the back as he was running away with her purse.

He grabbed the purse and ran, she had her hand on the
gun in it, and was left with the revolver in her hand.

When asked by the grand jury why she shot the man 6 times in the back as he
was running away, she replied under oath:

"Because when I pulled the trigger the 7th time it only went, click"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Barack Obama was looking for a call girl.
He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

To the blonde he said,

'I am the President of the United States.

Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'

She replied, $200.'

To the brunette he asked the same question.

Her reply was $100.

He then asked the redhead

Her reply was,

'Mr. President, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my panties as low as my wages,

get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, and keep it rising like the cost of living,

keep me warmer than it is in my apartment and screw me the way you have retirees,

then it isn't going to cost you a damn cent!'

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page