21 Economic Models explained with Cows

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

LEHMANN BROTHERS VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four
cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you
with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it
worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
The state milk corporation buys the milk and adds melamine.
The state news media reports a triumph of Chinese socialism in setting a new world record for bovine productivity.
You arrest and shoot the newsman who reports the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

This might be a repost but still pretty funny.

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".

The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

The 7th kind of sex is called Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on!

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Cool person test.

Click here for your results

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Kinda says it all for me right there..........

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful trial lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way ?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm sorry, I had no idea".

And the lawyer says, "If I didn't give money to them, what makes you think I would give to you?"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

That's pretty bad, Gary.....but probably true......

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Not really a joke, but fun, anyway.......

Can you guess which of the following are true and which are false?


1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.

3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.

4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.

5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop,even your heart!

6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.

7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.

9. The average person over 50 years old will have spent almost 5 years waiting in lines.

10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

11. The average housefly lives for one month.

12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.

15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.

16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.

17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.

18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.

19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in 'An Officer and a Gentleman' and 'Tootsie.'

20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State Anthem.

21. In most television commercials advertising milk,a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.

22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.

23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle, built in 1903, used a tomato can for a carburetor.

24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.

25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.

26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.



They are all true...

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

THINGS I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO UNDERSTAND (the cow and the chicken almost did me in)

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their btt when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician/Gynocologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Stay tuned tomorrow for the rest of the story..........

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

I figured out PFC ALLLL by myself!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

That's what it is here right now Darlene...........

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS..........
This one is priceless. Wrong email address .. A lesson to be learned from

typing the wrong email address!!!!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a

particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they

spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was

difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota

and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he

decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter

in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile,

somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.

He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and

friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw

the computer screen which read:

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: October 16, 2005

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your

loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.

She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

A group of country friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church
wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize and play
games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet
wanted to outdo all the others. Janet decided to have mushroom-
smothered steak. But mushrooms are expensive.

She then told her husband, 'No mushrooms. They are too high.'

He said, 'Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of
those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed.'

She said, 'No, some wild mushrooms are poison.'

He said, 'Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK.'

So Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed,
sliced, diced them for her smothered steak. Then she went out
on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot (the yard dog) a double
handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite. All morning long, Janet
watched Ol' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect
him, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper
lady from town to help her serve. She had on a white apron and
a fancy little cap on her head. After everyone had finished,
they relaxed, socialized, and played 42 and dominoes.

About then, the helper lady from town came in and whispered in
Janet's ear. She said, 'Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot's dead.'

Janet went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she
called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, 'That's bad, but I think we can take care of
it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick
as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out
everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them
calm.'

Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down
the road. The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases,
syringes, and a stomach pump. One by one, they took each person
into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their
stomach.

After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said,
'I think everything will be fine now.' and he left.

They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living
room and about this time the helper lady came in and said,
'You know, that fellow who ran over Ol' Spot never even stopped.

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

The Pregnant Blonde



The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, "What the heck," and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, "I have some really great news!"

I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."

She stopped jumping and breathing heavily and told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great and I couldn't be happier for you!"

Then she said, "There's more."

I asked, "What do you mean -- there's more?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said . . . . .


*
*
*


"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club, and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Recently I received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back.

I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot, I quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arms and said…

"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.

I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"



Happy Thanksgiving everyone..........

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." the social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bull shit in' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . . you started it.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM LIVING IN THE SOUTH:

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth. 4,998 of them can be found in Kentucky .

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

"Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

People actually grow and eat okra.

"Fixinto" is one word.

There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals. You start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.

Backwards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

"DJeet" is actually a question: "Did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in minutes.

"Fix" is a verb. Example: "I'm fixin' to go to the store."

All festivals are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.

There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

The first day of deer season is a national holiday.

100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."

We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Alright Gary.....What are you trying to say?

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.>

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew
very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for
a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought
long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the
gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the
drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot
about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very
well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a
really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up
your heels.'

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the
rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for
him.

She quietly called him over to her.

'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she
directed.

'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her
boots.


'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes
in the fire light.


'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and
dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again,
you're fired.'

I didn't see it coming, either!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Bless me Father for I have slandered?............

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

The South

Just for you Darlene.........LOL

Tennessee:

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he
decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University
of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus
14%, how much would you take off The secretary thought a moment, and then
replied, "Everything but my earrings".

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the
day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the
weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked." Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a
couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry lying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired
A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal
Henry!"

Louisiana :

A senior at LSU was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I
hope to be in Louisiana When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in
Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the
rest of the civilized world.

Mississippi :

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his
buddy,

"Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the tag number."

Georgia :

A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-75. The trooper asked,
"Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

North Carolina :

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road,
and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind
it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned
around and went back.

He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the
front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

And the favorite:

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone
retiring and moving North!

Amen!

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

YOU SAID IT!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene