MARINE CORPS STORY.........


Years ago, there was a sea story in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the 'Gunny' that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.



The Gunny responded, "Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately."


He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones. McCarthy, you change with Witkowskie. Brown, you change with Schultz. Get to it."



The moral: A candidate may promise change in Washington , but don't count on things smelling any better.

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If your clutch ain't slippin,, you probably got it adjusted right!!!!!

If this is a bit much, feel free to delete it......

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better.
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child".
"So what do you think about that Doc?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season."
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."
As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went "bang, bang".
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
"Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

The train was crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. The only seat left was taken by a well-dressed,middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am,may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular,"Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Pay attention to #1

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong..
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape...round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Fairy tale for men.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" and the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

~THE END~

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Hmmmmmmm.........oddly enough, I have a lot of these male traits...... Ok, if my feelings are hurt, I cry......If I get hurt, however, I do NOT cry....I don't scratch in public....but I think all the female foolishness is kinda stupid, too......but I DO need to point out, that Christopher Columbus got lost and found America by mistake......so I'd re-think that whole rationale there..... Oh, I despise golf, but LOVE Baseball!!!!!!

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"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Excuse me? He got lost? I don't think so, he knew that where he was going the whole time, just because everyone else on the boat is lost doesn't mean the captain is lost, we are just on a detour.

and a side note....anyone that gets lost nowdays is just plain dumb. hello TOMTOM take me where I want to go, if you can't follow Turn Right in 100 Yards, you need not be on the road hahah

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2332cc Air Cooled Screaming Meanie. Predator Singleseat.

"Lets go get stupid"

Aye-Aye, Cap'n Kyle If you say so..... That IS one trait that I DO NOT share with men...... I AM willing to admit it when I am lost as a goose...... Of course y'all Yankee Fellas still call it "The Civil War" .......I'm thinking that is, like, almost the definition of an oxymoron....... We all KNOW it was actually The War Of Northern Aggression...... Wasn't nuthin' "Civil" about that one.....

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

what do you guys call it? the "Great Defeat"? HAHA couldn't resist

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2332cc Air Cooled Screaming Meanie. Predator Singleseat.

"Lets go get stupid"

Note to Self.........add Kyle to the list.......

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Kyle you just went into Gatorgals Pearl Harbor file. Thats not good!:lol:

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Water cooled Dry Sumped Subaru Powered Turbo Charged Fuel Injected 2500CC Tank. Oh Rah! He who dies with the most Toys not only wins, He also wears them out!

Try This At Your Job And See How It Works Out.
Dear Boss,

I have enjoyed working here these past several years. You have paid me very well, given me benefits beyond belief. I have 3-4 months off per year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the day I die and a health plan that most people can only dream about. Despite this I plan to take the next 12-18 months to find a new position. During this time I will show up for work when it is convenient. In addition, I fully expect to draw my full salary and all the other perks associated with my current job. And if my search for this new job proves fruitless, I will be back with no loss in pay or status. Before you say anything, remember that you have no choice in the matter. I can and will do this.

Sincerely, Every Senator or Congressman running for President.

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i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Harry came home realy drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep sleep.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said,
"You died in your sleep, Harry."

Harry was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be!
I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back:... as a chicken."

Harry was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, eh? How's your first day here?"

"Not bad," replied Harry the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"

"You're ovulating," explained the rooster.
"Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"

"Never," said Harry. "Well, just relax and let it happen."

Harry did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Harry was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.
He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, "Dammit, Harry! Wake up. You're shitting the bed!"

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i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

What really bites is that this is the absolute truth! Dang it!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Marty......I'm not sure about this one....if you want to delete it, I understand......

Nursery Rhymes we didn't have as kids.........


Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little b@st#%d.



********************



MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.

********************



JACK AND JILL Went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

********************



SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,

'What have you got there?'

Said the Pie man unto Simon,

'Pies, you Dumb A%%'

********************



HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.

********************



HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.

********************



GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay

********************



There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Due to most peoples ewww, gross, reactions, I will refrain from posting my poems

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If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

Spectator, it's only because your poems are .......well.......eeeeeeewww..... just picking.......

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

i know, i know

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

I hit one of those big Acura's the other day, and this little dwarf guy gets out and runs back to my car screaming "I'M NOT HAPPY, I'M NOT HAPPY!" So I had to say, "Ok, which one are you?"

Dwarf's got no sense of humor.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

The Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Worth another look.........

A study in a Wisconsin medical school, showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance: if she is ovulating: she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features; and if she is menstruating: she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his a** while he is on fire.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A farmer down the road had a fairly large herd of cows and three bulls. Each bull keeping a strict eye on his portion of the cows. A rumour comes around that the farmer is going to get another bull and the three bulls are standing in the field discussing this. The first bull says, "Well, there's no way he's going to get any of my cows." The second bull agrees, "Yeah, I'm not giving up any. He can wait till next year and get some of the new ones." The third bull who was a bit smaller says, "I don't have as many as you guys so I'm not giving any up." Finally, the new bull arrives. The first three gather at the edge of the field to watch him being unloaded from the trailor. To their consternation, the biggest, meanest Brahma bull they have ever seen comes strolling down the ramp and glares at them. He's at least three times bigger than any of them. The first bull looks around nervously and says, "Well now, I suppose it would be a neighbourly thing to give this guy some cows. I think I'll give him twenty of mine." The second bull says, "Yeah, I guess so, I'll give him thirty of mine." They look over at the small bull. He's busy pawing the grass, snorting, and shaking his head. They go over and ask him what he's doing and suggest that he should give up some cows too. He says, "Yes I know, I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull!"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

This is a great efficient way to clean your cat.
Follow these steps:

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (you may have to stand on the lid.)
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds, never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or for times. This provides a "power wash & rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can (this is important), and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

With Love,

Your Dog

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A girl from Iowa and a girl from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane.
The girl from Iowa, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya'll from?"

The east coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from Iowa sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:

"So, where ya'll from.........b*tch?"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page