A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, 'What are you doing?'
She answers, 'I'm moving to New York . I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free.'
A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies,
I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls.
He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice.
"It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool..
They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little, and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm telling ya man...you'll have all the babes you want!"
The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato.
Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!
Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now?"
"Lard-Almighty Bubba!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in the front!"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

whats the worst part about eating vegetables??



getting them back in the wheelchair!!


yes I know im going to hell

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

Sorry, Spectator, but Ewwww.......Gag.............Yak

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

OMG.......take that!

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Lovin' that hateful smiley whoopin' the bad smiley......

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

The wisdom of Larry the cable guy......

1. A day without sunshine is night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15 When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18 Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19 What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off..
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

OK, sorry about the vegetable joke, please stop whipping me, I won't tell it anymore, I promise. Bad Kyle, bad Kyle, I will not pass go or collect $200, im ashamed of myself as a person and a buggy rider, im sorry!

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

Don't know if this has been posted before, but here it is.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS- is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both
ultimately result in death.

_________________
Tony

The difference between the two is small, but it DOES determine whether you can have an open casket funeral or if it's best to cremate what's left

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

I said that to my wife..........actually ex-wife once.

Then when I woke up on the couch I realized it was a dream.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant
to the United States.. He stops the first person he sees
walking down the street and says, 'Thank you Mr.
American for letting me in this country , giving me housing,
food stamps, free medical care, and free education!'
The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am
Mexican.'
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. '
Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in
America!'
The person says, 'I not American, I Vietnamese.'
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees
he stops, shakes his hand and says , 'Thank you for the
wonderful America!'
That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am
from Middle East, I am not American!'
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an
American?'
She says , 'No, I am from Africa!'
Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the
Americans?'
The African lady checks her watch and says...'Probably
at work!'

IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS, TOMORROW
AT 11:30 AM,
YOU WILL RECEIVE THREE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ABSOLUTELY FREE

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

I have passed that one around several times, but I am still getting them

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

What are you doing when...............

To make it stand,
You wet it !
To make it wet,
You suck it !
To make it stiff,
You lick it !
To get it in,
You push it!







Threading a needle.........get your mind out of the gutter..............LOL


DISCLAIMER: don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; subject to change without notice; your mileage may vary; no substitutions are allowed; for a limited time only while supplies last; offer void where prohibited; is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; equal opportunity joke employer; read at your own risk; may contain material some readers find objectionable; parental advisory: explicit lyrics; no money down; no purchase necessary; do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; contents under pressure, may explode if incinerated; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult someone who cares; must be 18 to enter; one size fits all; allow four to six weeks for delivery; objects in the mirror may be funnier than they appear; this disclaimer does not cover hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and other Acts of God, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair, improper installation, misuse, typos, misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking; other restrictions may apply. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

I'm LOVING that disclaimer!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Can't remember if I or anyone else has posted this before, but it is a good one and can stand to be posted again.....

The Ant and the Grasshopper

There is an 'Old Version' and a 'Modern Version' .

Two Different Versions! Two Different Morals!

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays
the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

-------------------------------------------

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays
the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference
and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well
fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home
with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Al Sharpton stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi & Barack Obama exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the
house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2008!!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

1919 poster
If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) and came
upon the following poster.........



I mean, seriously, would you quit drinking?

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

If I wasn't a drinker before seeing that , I soon would be

_________________
If your clutch ain't slippin,, you probably got it adjusted right!!!!!

Keith, my husband, actually has this hanging up in his shop.......He thinks it was iffy as a deterrent....

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Geez, that one left of the broad in the center in front of the post looks like a dude.......

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

ALLLLLLLLLL of them are just a tad bit mannish......Yeah.....HUGE deterrent........

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

I don't know if this has already been posted or not.....and by the way, opinions expressed in this post are not necessarily the opinions of the "post-er" If it has already been posted, I am sorry for repeating it, if it has not been posted yet.....


WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:


Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Dang GG,,you're right,,plus we can scratch in public

_________________
If your clutch ain't slippin,, you probably got it adjusted right!!!!!

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half
an hour , when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs
his drink and gulps it down in one swig.

The poor little guy starts crying.

'Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says 'I
didn't think you'd cry. I can't stand to see a man crying.'

'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs.

I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired
me.

When I went to the parking lot;

I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance.

I left my wallet in the cab I took home.'

I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.'

So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to

my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Got this this morning..........

A common mans rant.

1. I ride a Harley Davidson dresser motorcycle if you are coming at me from the other
direction riding on a moped or scooter don't wave to me your not a biker your
a dork!

2. If your a 45 year old female and you wear clothes that your daughter wears
your not hot and hip your sad looking. Grow up!

3. If you wear 50 fake gold necklaces and you work at a fast food resteraunt we
know your not rich. So who is the bling trying to fool?

4. If your 30 and ride a skateboard or bmx bike your not cool your immature.

5. If your overweight and order the whole menu at McDonald's do you think
ordering that diet coke is really gonna help?

6. If your out at 2am with your kid in a stroller on main street buy a how to
parent book please. That's in the do not do section chapter 1

7. If I am out in a bar and you are drunk don't come and talk to me I don't
even know you and I dont have my drunk to english dictionary on me.

8. If your doing cocaine off a toilet at a club ya might have a little drug
problem there.

9. If you cant wear that baseball hat straight and not to the side your mom
still needs to dress you. Call her please.

10. If you ride a bicycle and need to wear the spandex and sponsor shirt your
not Lance Armstrong your Lace Dumbass.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page