Slim and Bubba, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Slim turns to Bubba and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes."

Next day, Slim goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History and Logic.

"Logic," Slim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yup!"

"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Yup, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"Yup, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have had a wife or have a wife now... And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing; you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Slim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bubba at the bar.

He tells Bubba about his classes, how he signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic," Bubba says, "What's that?"

Slim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"

"Nope."

"Then you're a queer."

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their thing and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him but he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:

#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that:

#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for $250 with the following note:

" Dear Sir:

#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Can't remember if this one has been posted or not......I tried to look, but couldn't find it...if it is already here, then ...Oooops

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress pretends not to notice and asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.' The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Again, the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the ostrich

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time ?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!' That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?' The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

A man and a woman were dating. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they slowly drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow-driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 65 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.

At 70, off came the pants. At 75, it was her bra. At 80, her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time...and traveling faster than he ever had before...he became very excited and lost control of the car.

He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree!

His girlfriend was not hurt, but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. "Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.

The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.

Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story."My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies,"Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

'An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter he met a Redneck who had three stunning,
gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away .
So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, 'They're lookin' to get married,
so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want.'

The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion.

'Well,' said the man, 'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice... pigeon-toed.'

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

'Well ,'the man replied, 'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell... cross-eyed.'

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl
to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,
'She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry.'

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, lil' baby you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

'Well,' explained the Redneck...
'She was just a weeeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...
pregnant when you met her.'

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Redneck Flood Survival Kit

Toilet Paper....................................... check

Bud Light.......................................... check

Keystone Ice....................................... check

Budweiser......................................... check

Red Dog............................................. check

Misc. other bottles of alcohol...................... check

Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on ....... check

God love dem red necks!

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Man Talk about priortys.............................Or lack there of!

_________________
Water cooled Dry Sumped Subaru Powered Turbo Charged Fuel Injected 2500CC Tank. Oh Rah! He who dies with the most Toys not only wins, He also wears them out!

gotta admit it is kinda funny

_________________
Rick

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno's.What you do today,Might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow

Michigan Apples

A man was driving down a country road when he sees a sign, "Apples $5.00 each." Intrigued to find out why an apple should cost that much, he stops and asks the farmer.
The farmer says, "These are special peanut butter and jelly apples. Here, try one."
The man takes a bite and says, "Unbelievable; I taste the peanut butter but not the jelly."
The farmer says, "Turn it around."
He does and savors a sweet grape jelly.
The farmer says, "I've got ham and cheese apples, too, but they're $10.00 each."
The man is excited, buys one, takes a bite and says, "Wow, these are great, but I taste the ham but not the cheese."
The farmer says, "Turn it around."
He does, and takes a bite. A rich, creamy cheese fills his mouth.
The farmer says, "Now, if you really like those, I've got some very special apples that cost $50.00 each. They're pussy apples."
The man cannot resist and buys one. He takes a bite and says, "YUCK, these taste like shit!"
The farmer says, "Turn it around."

A four year old little boy was at the doctor's office with his mother in the waiting room when he spotted a pregnant lady on the other side of the room.

Having nothing better to do, he walk over to her and inquisitively asks "Why is your stomach so big?"

She replied, "I'm having a baby."

With big eyes, he replied, "Is the baby in your stomach?"

She said, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look on his face, asked yet another
question, "Is it a good baby?"

She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

At this point the woman is thinking the little boy is incredibly cute and looks foward to what he has to say next.

And, much to her suprise, with an even more surprised and shocked look than before, he asks..

"Then why did you eat him?"

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)



A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)




Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)





The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)




The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes... Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

< B>
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)



Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)


A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Not really a joke, just something interesting........

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55% of the pouplatoin can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Little early to be in the sauce girl.......

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Yep Im Sragnte. I raed ervey wrod of it!

_________________
Water cooled Dry Sumped Subaru Powered Turbo Charged Fuel Injected 2500CC Tank. Oh Rah! He who dies with the most Toys not only wins, He also wears them out!

Thats pretty neet. Once I started reading it, I caught on like normal reading.

_________________
When in doubt, hit it in second gear!

It's good taht we can amdit tehse tihgns, Ody..... ...I, too, am sragnte

Uh-Oh....Dave has joined in the sragnte folks, too.....

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price.
Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item pays the $500 and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.
Funeral on Friday at Noon.
Closed coffin.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

this guy really wants a harley, so he saves his money and buys one. As he is getting ready to leave this old timer tells him if its going to rain to put vaseline on his chrome to protect it.

one day as he is riding around, he meets a girl who invites him to dinner at her folks house. He picks her up on the bike and they go to dinner.

During dinner he is told that they have a tradition-- whoever talks first after dinner has to do the dishes. They all sit around after dinner in silence, pretty soon the guy gets bored.

He figures if he kisses the girl in front of her parents somebody will say something - so he does -- nothing happens. then he slides his hand up her shirt - nothing happens. Amazed the guy picks up the girl and has sex on the table in front of her parents -- nothing happens

So he grabs her mom - throws her on the table and has even wilder sex -- still nothing.

Off in the distance he hears thunder, so he gets in his jacket for his vaseline --- The dad says OK, you win --I'll do the damn dishes!!!!!

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

Just so you know, when I read this I did not laugh. That's my story and I'm sticking to it


Eye Witness
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks,

"Did you see me rob this bank?" the man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next and asked the man,

"Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "No sir, I didn't,
but my wife did."

_________________
If your clutch ain't slippin,, you probably got it adjusted right!!!!!

now why couldn't that have happened to me - before i payed lawyer fees to get rid of my ex

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

How Do You Get To Heaven?

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again the answer was, "NO!""Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.

Once more they all answered, "NO!"

"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

Mileage

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per year. Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Damn we're good! Makes You Proud To Be An American.

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government