[quote='m.ralston']hey guys why does the easter bunny hide the easter eggs?
Cause he dont want everyone to know he has been f**king a chicken.
i thought that kinda went with the easter theme this week!
mike[/quote]


Here's what happens when that bunny gets hold of that chicken.

[img]http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg240/Kbaby2121/easterchicks007.jp

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www.cehce.com

a young lad from the city comes to visit his uncle a farmer. For the first few days the uncle shows him the usual things cows, chickens, crops, etc. On the third day it becomes obvious that the nephew is bored so the farmer gives him a gun and tells him to take the dogs hunting. This seems to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he goes. After a few hours he comes back. "How did you enjoy that" asked the uncle, "it was great" says the nephew "got any more dogs?"

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i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

My apologies to all the gorgeous blond gals on here........

A husband and his blonde wife were driving along the country side one Sunday just putt puttin along.... as they were driving, the blonde saw another blonde out in an open field rowing a boat.
Out of sheer and utter shock she screamed to her husband "Stop.. stop this car right now!".
The blonde jumped out of the car and ran over to the fence.
She screamed at the top of her lungs " It's dumb ass blondes like you that give us such a bad name.... if I could swim I would come out there and whip your ass!"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity like my applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while at tempting to run my favorite applications! I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks, A Troubled User

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to un-install, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. It may even crash your system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

That is the best I have read Blue. Sometimes it just isn't wise to upgrade. I have told my other that the new models are out and I can trade her in on a new one. That hasn't gone over to well.

The Wild Kids

_________________
I refuse to grow up therefore I will never grow old, and I will never die.

My husband tells me "Don't make me take you back to the pet store " He's such a sweetie

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

[quote='GatorGal'][quote='The Wild Kids']That is the best I have read Blue. Sometimes it just isn't wise to upgrade. I have told my other that the new models are out and I can trade her in on a new one. That hasn't gone over to well.

The Wild Kids[/quote]

My husband tells me "Don't make me take you back to the pet store " He's such a sweetie [/quote]

He can drop you off here...........as long as you are spayed........

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Raise her as a southern belle and you can't go wrong there. See you soon GatorGal.

The Wild Kids

_________________
I refuse to grow up therefore I will never grow old, and I will never die.

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Q. Define "Egghead"



A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age."

So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.

When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren

...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Two bums are walking down the railroad track, looking for food because they hadn't eaten in two days. They come up on a dead possum that had been hit by a train the day before.

The first bum can't stand the growling in his stomach anymore, so he kneels down and starts munching away. Suddenly remembering his friend, he looks up at the second bum and offers him a chance to eat, too. Turning green at the though of dead possum, he says "No fucking way!"

Well, the first bum got his fill after about ten minutes and the two continue their journey. After about twenty minutes, the rotten food the first bum ate got to him and he doubled over and vomited.

The second bum smiled and said, "Oh, goody. A hot meal!"

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Purple, that's just WRONG

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

My apologies to the Cajuns on here.......

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him.
Jack noticed that the guy was moaning and shaking.
"What's wrong?" asked Jack.
"I've been transferred to New Orleans, Louisiana," the guy answered. "There's crazy people in New Orleans. They have shootings, rapes, robberies, gangs, race riots, drugs . . . . the highest crime rate."
"Hold on," Jack interrupted. "I've lived there all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said Jack. "I'm the tail gunner on a Bud Lite truck."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

_________________
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you don't care who gets the credit.-
Harry S. Truman

Stolen Motor Bike
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.

They searched them and took the guy

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

The husband had just finished reading a new book, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE"
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law!
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward.
Then, after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that's done, guess who's going
to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The freaking funeral director would be my guess."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

'You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think 'The Nutcracker' is a vise on the work bench.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea! and tic k soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls! and the y all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal -Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fas t food is hitting a deer at 65.

_________________
Water cooled Dry Sumped Subaru Powered Turbo Charged Fuel Injected 2500CC Tank. Oh Rah! He who dies with the most Toys not only wins, He also wears them out!

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish,' she asks, 'Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?'
Melissa's father thinks a bit, and says, 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?'

'Osama Bin Laden,' she says.

'Why Osama Bin Laden?' her father asks in shock.

'Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to
think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to
Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he
didn't hate anyone anymore.'
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride.

'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard.'

'I know,' Melissa says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the bastard.'
__________________________________________________

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

You Go Melissa!

_________________
Water cooled Dry Sumped Subaru Powered Turbo Charged Fuel Injected 2500CC Tank. Oh Rah! He who dies with the most Toys not only wins, He also wears them out!

Way to go girl, my kin of kid, shoot the bastard.

The Wild Kids

_________________
I refuse to grow up therefore I will never grow old, and I will never die.

SHE WAS SO BLONDE, THAT...

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped over the cordless phone.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.

She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.

When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".

She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

_________________
I refuse to grow up therefore I will never grow old, and I will never die.

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared th e daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page