That would be so mean. Funny but mean.
The Wild Kids

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I refuse to grow up therefore I will never grow old, and I will never die.

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jessica, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her ass in it."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a Young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"
She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex."
The researcher was a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's Bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you Use it for sex?"
The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all... My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Little Johnny's father had just returned home from a business trip, and he had a romantic evening planned with his wife. So, he sent his two older kids to the movies, but he couldn't persuade Little Johnny to go along.

Finally, he made a deal with Little Johnny, "If you go sit outside of the house, I'll give you five dollars for every man you see go by in a red hat."

An excited Little Johnny agreed.

Some time later, Little Johnny ran into the house and up to his parents bedroom. He banged on the door and shouted, "Hey, Dad, if you think your getting screwed in THERE, just wait until you come outside 'cause there's a Shriner convention going past our house."

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in the goings-on and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her during coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.



At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.


When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."


"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin' sheet rock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?

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i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

thats great-- and true

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

thats hilarious. but i said tht kidna stuff too

Subject: TGIF


A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt.

"Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on
Monday?"

"Oh crap!" the blonde says. "I didn't realize it was a
religious T-shirt.
I thought it meant Tits Go In Front."

A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked.

While he was sitting in the chair being examined, the dentist said to him, "Have you done oral sex lately?"

The man replied, "Why yes, I did this morning actually.
How could you tell? Have you found a pubic hair stuck in my tooth?"

The dentist says, "No, not quite.
You've got some shit on the end of your nose!"

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

A young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag.

"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.

"magic apples", the old man replied.

"Prove it", said the young man.

"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.

"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.

The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "Ok, turn it over", he said.

The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.

The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.

The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.

"I like to eat pussy." he snapped.

The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.

He took a big bite, spit it out, wipped his mouth and esclaimed, "That tasted like shit".

The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Joe goes to the doctor on account of his uncontrolable gas. He is waiting in the exam room just ripping away when the doctor walks in. He says doc you gotta help me get this gas under control, I can't make it stop and I can't control the volume either. I just thank god it doesn't stink.

The doctor pulls a bottle of pills out of the drawer and says here Joe take two of these. Joe takes them and almost instantly says, damn doc what the hell is that smell?

Doc says, now that we got those sinuses opened up, lets see what we can do about that gas.

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."


You're going to love this..................

"Ah! So sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck!"

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many
people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands. That's fantastic.

"Now let me ask you one question further ... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've Been giving this lecture,
no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Sh....t!! From way back there I thought you said Goats."

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Sorry that was baaaaahhd

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

A sexy young maiden named Jill
tried a dynamite stick for a thrill.
They found her vagina
in North Carolina
and bits if her tits in Brazil.
-----------------------------------------------------------
There was a farting contest coming to town
and people came from miles around.
The first fart was extremely loud,
the second fart pleased the crowd.
The third fart, the judges cried,
"He shit his pants, he's disqualified!"

----------------------------------------------------------
There once a fellow named Dave
That kept a dead whore in a cave

He said "I admitt
I'm a bit of a twitt
But look at the money I save"

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized? "



" Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the pa tient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."



"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
>
>
>
>
>

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.

A man took his son to a place that was both a nail salon and a brothel.

The father knew the madam and told her it was his son's birthday and that he wanted to get him de-flowered in her establishment.

Instead of calling for one of the working girls to take the young man, she decided to take him for herself and off they went upstairs.

Afterward, the madam was so delighted with the boy that she decided to throw in a complimentary manicure.

A few weeks later the boy was walking down the street when he met up with the madam. She asked him if he remembered who she was.

"Remember?!" he exclaimed. "Hell yeah I remember. You are the woman who gave me the crabs then cut my fingernails off so I couldn't scratch them!"

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

A man walked into a hospital and said, "I'm here to visit my friend. He was run over by a steamroller this morning.

The nurse looks at her logbook and says, "Oh yes, Mr. Johnson. He's in room 105, 106, 107 and 108."

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

The Green Bay Packers and Tampa Bay Buccaneers have agreed to merge and form one team called the Tampacks.

Chances are it will be mediocre, at best. It'll only be good for one period and there is no second string.

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving.

The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."

"Great idea," the drunk replies. "Tits!"

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

There once was a girl named Dot
Who lived off of pig shit and snot
When she didn't have these
She lived off the cheese
That she scraped from the walls of her twat.

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
While dreaming of Venus
He beat up his penis
And woke up with a hand full of goo.

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

There once was a man from Nantuckett
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a cunt I would fudge it.

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!