A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.

"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.

"Yup."

"Where did he go?"

"Your house."

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Shine is fine, but flats where its at

On the first day of kindergarten, the teacher asks each student to count to 50. Some count as high as 30 or 40; others can

_________________
Shine is fine, but flats where its at

now that last ones funny but you may offend the bama boys

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Here is a good one for you.

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."



Ready for it?!!

The OIL cap was upside down.

_________________
I refuse to grow up therefore I will never grow old, and I will never die.

I found out the tooth brush was invented in Al
any where else they would have called it a teeth brush

Learn Redneck Chinese in 5 minutes

1) That is not right......................................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?....................Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP........................................Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man.............................................Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse............................................Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?.........................Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table.....................Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8 ) I think you need a face lift........................Chin Tu Fat
9) It is very dark in here...............................Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet...................Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone........................No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week..Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight...............................Lei Ying Lo
14) He is cleaning his automobile................Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive...................Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great..................................................Fa Kin Su Pah

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Fah king Aw Sum Tur Bow

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

[quote='spectater']Fah king Aw Sum Tur Bow [/quote]

Tank Yuh, Tank Yuh Vely Vely Lots..........

OK One for the ladies.

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4.. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Then, your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your Ex- Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

_______________________________________________________________


Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing could have made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, athough a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because I have been hoping that they would drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that MY SISTER had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!


P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but MY SISTER Carla was born Carl... .... I sure hope that's not a problem for you.

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Dear Abby

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He
has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he
denies everything. What's worse is that everyone knows that he cheats on
me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago; he
hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars,
cruise around and BS's with his buddies while I have to work to pay the
bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend
to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed:
Clueless


Dear Clueless:

Grow
up and dump him. Good grief woman! You don't need him anymore! For God's
sake..... You're a United States Senator from New York running for
President of the United States. Act like one!

[quote='dunebuggy79']Dear Abby

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He
has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he
denies everything. What's worse is that everyone knows that he cheats on
me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago; he
hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars,
cruise around and BS's with his buddies while I have to work to pay the
bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pret

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!"

I took a drink from my can of Bud Light, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A man came home from work to find his wife with a concerned look on her face. What happened asked the husband? Well she said, I was going to clean the bathroom and I walked in on our son masturbating. Ohh, said the husband, I knew this day would come, I better go talk to him.
He heads up to his sons room and opens the door. He says to his son "your mother told me what happened today, and im gonna tell you what my father told me. If you play with that thing too much you'll go blind. To which his son replied "Dad, your talking to the wall, i,m over here!!

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

[quote='turboblue'][quote='dunebuggy79']Dear Abby

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He
has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he
denies everything. What's worse is that everyone knows that he cheats on
me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago; he
hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars,
cruise around and BS's with his buddies while I have to work to pay the
bills. Since our daughter went away

Little Johnny gets sent home early
Little Johnny got sent home one day from school for being bad. Upon getting home he called out for his folks but got no reply.

He heard banging and moaning coming from upstairs and went up and opened his parent

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

TURBO PAGE TWO

[quote='purplerail']Little Johnny gets sent home early
Little Johnny got sent home one day from school for being bad. Upon getting home he called out for his folks but got no reply.

He heard banging and moaning coming from upstairs and went up and opened his parent

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

i knew i heard that before

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

I like the way you tell it Brett.

_________________
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you don't care who gets the credit.-
Harry S. Truman

Never Choke in a restaurant in the South

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to Cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth; As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick
Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Bruce...that was some of the funniest stuff I've ever read..........

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is"

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

In a very quiet, very serious voice, the father said ....."Son, go get your mother."

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

I gotta get me some of them shiny walls.........

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Hell, we all go to Hooters for their delicious food

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!