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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 5:49 pm 
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GatorGal wrote:
Thought you guys would appreciate how it’s done in GA….

Strangly that very same technique works up here in Pa. I got to try it once, instant results.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 12:34 am 
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I think that, once you learn the correct technique, it could, and should, be applied anywhere :lol: It really IS all about having the correct tool for the job........ Just goes to prove my point... one can never have too many guns.. 8)

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 4:05 pm 
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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for
me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each
outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't
feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that broad
knows I'm smarter than her.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:13 pm 
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OMG, Gary! That was too funny! I wish I could think of stuff like that.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 7:48 pm 
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DVS1 wrote:
OMG, Gary! That was too funny! I wish I could think of stuff like that.


Yeah me too Dave.......... :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 7:53 pm 
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Points to ponder.


If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What disease did cured ham actually have?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:02 pm 
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This lady is a riot
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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 10:14 pm 
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How things are done in Illinois



A buddy of mine got this from a friend who lives in Illinois.

Jim,

This is how things are done in Illinois.

But, when weʼre done with our politicians, we keep them in prison.

That way, we always know where they are.

Weʼre a proud bunch.



Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.; One from Illinois one from Tennessee and a third from Kentucky.

They all go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Tennessee contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

'Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, 'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'

The Illinois contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, '$2,700. '

The official, incredulous, whispers back, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'

The Illinois contractor whispers back, '$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire that guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.'

'Done!' replies the government official.

And that my friends, is how it all works in Illinois ! !

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:20 am 
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INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly underBoyfriend 5.0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as:
� Romance 9.5 and
� Personal Attention 6.5,

and then installed undesirable programs such as :

� NBA 5.0,
� NFL 3.0 and
� Golf Clubs 4..1 ..

Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

� Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE ,

First, keep in mind,
� Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
� Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
� If that application works as designed, Husband 10 should then automatically run20the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can causeHusband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 orBeer 6.1 ..
� Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.< /B>

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 -program These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
� Cooking 3.0 and
� Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

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Thomas Jefferson

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:23 pm 
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I think this is the one you mean to post Darlene............ :mrgreen:

Girlfriend 5.0


Desperately seeking technical support!

I'm currently running the latest version of Girlfriend 5.0 and having some problems. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 for years as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if you minimize Girlfriend with the sound off, but since I can't find the switch to turn it off, I just run them separately and it works OK.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with Golfware, often trying to abort my Golf program with some sort of timing incompatibility. I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance with Girlfriend 2.0.

After months of conflicts, I consulted a friend who has experience with Girlfriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run Girlfriend 2.0 and eventually it would require a Token Ring upgrade to run properly. He was right. As soon as I purged my cache, Girlfriend 2.0 uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed a Girlfriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus. After a hard drive clean up and thorough virus scan I very cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0. This time using a SCSI probe and virus protection. It worked OK for a while until I discovered Girlfriend 1.0 wasn't completely uninstalled!

I tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed, but Girlfriend 4.0 has an unadvertised feature that automatically senses the presence of Girlfriend 1.0 and communicates with it in some way, resulting in the immediate removal of both versions!

The version I have now works pretty well, but, like all versions, there are still some problems. The Girlfriend package is written in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. And I've never liked how Girlfriend is totally 'object-oriented.'

A year ago, a friend upgraded his version to GirlfriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate-and-Stay resident version. He discovered GirlfriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did. But soon after that, you have to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a 'huge resource hog.' It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons that he upgraded to Wife is because it came bundled with FreeSex 1.0. Well, it turns out that the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSex (particularly the new Plug and Play items he wanted to try). On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. And, although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0, which has an automatic popup feature he can't turn off.

I told him to install Mistress 1.0, but he said that he heard that if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife, that Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before uninstalling itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway, due to insufficient resources. If anybody out there is able to offer technical advice...

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 5:18 pm 
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Ok, Gary, that was funny...... Apparently girlfriend 5.0 hasn't figured out how to apply punchthatscumintheface 10.0 yet, but there is always hope for her...

On the plus side.... If anybody was worried about excessive absenteeism on January 20, here is some good news for you........

There were 1.5 million people at the inauguration that Tuesday and only 14 missed work.

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Thomas Jefferson

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Last edited by GatorGal on Thu Jan 29, 2009 7:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 5:42 pm 
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Now GeeGee,,be nice :roll:

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 7:09 pm 
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Sorry, Marty, I forgot where I was for a second, :oops: but I fixed it :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 7:11 am 
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Weird....

wow, this is just amazing..............


Have you ever noticed that if you rearrange the letters in " Muslim immigrants" and add a few letters,it spells out:

"Fuck-off and go home,you hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making,benefit-grabbing, smelly-assed,rag-headed pricks."


how weird is that????????

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 8:07 am 
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put the name OBAMA in front of that sentence,i would be perfect then


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 1:36 pm 
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Location: Tennessee
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good
memory.. I don't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom
factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she
objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to
men - 'don't' and 'stop',
unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best
thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly,
Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good
partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too
small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the
enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the
Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed',
many men still sleep with their wives!!


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 5:17 pm 
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Nerd Season


A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door that says, "COMPUTER NERDS NOT ALLOWED - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He enters and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says that he smells kind of nerdy. He then asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver explains to him that he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender serves him a beer and says, "OK, truck drivers aren't nerds."

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in wearing a pair of glasses with tape around the middle, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt that is at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.

The bartender replied, "Don't worry. The computer nerds are in season because they are overpopulating Silicon Valley. You don't even need a license."

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads for the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the road. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, snatching up all of the computers. The scavengers are comprised of engineers, accountants and programmers - computer geeks. Each of them wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.

He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought computer nerds were in season."

"Well, sure," says the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em!"

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 5:34 pm 
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A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Boston.

'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most
of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese
food is loaded with MSG.

High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the
long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But t here
is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or
will, eat it.

'Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief
and suffering for years after eating it?'

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row
raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 9:33 pm 
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Subject: Confusing question regarding the inauguration> > > How can 2 million blacks get into Washington DC in sub zero temps in 1 day when 200,000 couldn't get out of New Orleans in 85 degrees temps with four days notice?


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2009 12:12 pm 
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Politics for Dummies

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So you teach your neighbor how to get a cow?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other,
and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redes ign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk,
and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figur e out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2009 6:36 pm 
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After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a bigger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in your beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10." The hillbilly told the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued to count on his other hand.


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 1:56 pm 
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Worth a repost this close to Valentine's Day....... :mrgreen:

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish,' she asks, 'Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?'
Melissa's father thinks a bit, and says, 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?'

'Osama Bin Laden,' she says.

'Why Osama Bin Laden?' her father asks in shock.

'Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot.
And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.'
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride.

'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard.'

'I know,' Melissa says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the bastard.'

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Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 3:48 pm 
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BOTM winner/Master fabricator
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Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:26 pm
Posts: 910
Location: brookpark ohio ---- wellsville
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Ohioans...

1. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in Ohio ...

2. If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Ohio ...

3. If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Ohio ...

4, If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number,
you may live in Ohio ...

5. If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Columbus for the Weekend, you may live inOhio ...

6. If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Ohio ...

7. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Ohio ...

8. If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you may live inOhio ...

9. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching,
you may live in Ohio ...

10. If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Ohio ...

11. If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Ohio ...

12. If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Ohio...

13. If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph - you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Ohio...

14. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
you may live in Ohio ...

15. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction,
you may live in Ohio ...

16. If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Ohio ...

17. If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you may live in Ohio .

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Ohio friends & others, you definitely live in Ohio !!


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 7:02 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2007 8:43 pm
Posts: 1091
Location: Deep South, GA
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore and takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: Why is it sexually threatening when a co-worker tells you your hair smells nice?'

The woman replies, 'Because its Chester, The midget.'

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"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 4:32 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:23 pm
Posts: 2039
Location: Central Indiana
This year, taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.
Here is an attempt to explain this plan using the Q & A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV or a new computer, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

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Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page


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