All of them!

_________________
Water cooled Dry Sumped Subaru Powered Turbo Charged Fuel Injected 2500CC Tank. Oh Rah! He who dies with the most Toys not only wins, He also wears them out!

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

What do you call a dog with no legs on your door step?

Matt.

What do you calla dog with no legs hangin on the wall?

Art.

What do you call a dog with no legs under your car?

Jack.

What do you call a dog with no legs in your mail box?

Bill.

Finnaly, what do you call a dog with no legs??

Anything you want, he ain't gonna come to you!

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

Top 10 Signs You Might Be A Member of the Taliban

10. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

9. You own a $500 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you
can't afford shoes.

8. You have more wives than teeth.

7. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

5. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in
your robe.

4. You've never been asked, "Does this burka make my butt look big?"

3. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than
setting off roadside bombs.

2. A common compliment is, "I love what you've done with your cave."

And the NUMBER ONE SIGN you might be a Muslim member of the Taliban:

1. You wipe your backside with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Obviously I do not have an ex-wife, but I thought this was too funny not to share........

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Tennessee because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the Beach House this weekend.

The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: Tina was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

Photograph below was taken at the scene and shows the extent of damage to her aircraft.

She was very lucky.

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That's funny right there, I don't care who you are.........

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado here are the 2008 Darwin awards.

Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store.. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the
window was closed.

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Sh*t Happens'.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

I don't know where this one would place on that list, but this is a true story!! This happened in my home town about two weeks ago. Everyone pretty much knows the price of scrap metal has gone up and up and up over the last year or two, especially copper! Well, three teenagers broke into an old car dealership that has sat vacant since they moved to a larger facility about two years ago. They had copper on their minds, and had pilfered a large pile of it before things went down hill. One of the teens decided he had to have the main line coming into the electrical box. You know the one that is about two inches in diameter and carries ungodly aperage from the transformer. Well this bright young man stuck a 3 foot long steel tire tool into the box just in the right spot. He was blown back some 30 feet and the top half of his body was on fire. Amazingly he got to his feet and ran out of the building, on fire, screaming with his two buddies trying to put him out. About half way through the parking lot the police showed up because they tripped an alarm somehow during the escapade. The police put him out, and called the meat wagon. He lost both of his arms below the elbow, and had 3rd degree burns on 50% of his body. To top it off he and his buddies are facing jail time for several different infractions................here's your sign!!
Oh and the police have the burning boy and his buddies on tape!!

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

- THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?

A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but "down under."

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?

A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...

BONUS QUESTION & ANSWER

What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment? Answer: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose first.

OK for all you blonde ladies out there, this is a dumb blonde guy joke.

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.”

The blonde opened his lunch and said, “ Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.”

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.

At their funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, “If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much.”

(Oh this is GOOD!!)?

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde guy's wife. She said, “Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Now THAT'S BAD!!!!!!!!!

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

SEARS CATALOG ORDER !!!

Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.

One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'

The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'

The second redneck replies, 'No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!'

Just got this in an email....

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man who run in front of car get tired.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man who run behind car get exhausted.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright
organ.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to
Bangkok.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man with one chopstick go hungry.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* =20

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.=20

* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on
earth. =20

& nbsp; *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is
left.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it. =20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.=20

*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*~*=20

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.=20

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=20

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.=

_________________
Where did you say the weenie trail is?

Just for you Darlene.........

The other day I went downtown to run a few errands. I went into the local coffee shop for a snack. I was only there for about 5 minutes. When I came out, there was this cop writing out a parking ticket.

I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. His insensitivity annoyed me, so I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and then wrote out another ticket for having worn tires.

So I proceeded to call him 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket when I called him a moron in blue. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I talked back to him the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't really care. I came downtown on the bus. The car that he was putting the tickets on had one of those bumper stickers that said, 'Obama in '08'. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. The doctor tells me that it's really important to my health

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Love it, Turbo! Now this one's for you!

Zen Sarcasm.....Pay SPECIAL attention to #20

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much just leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you 're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed.....skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

17. There are two theories to arguing with a woman - Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Pay attention here........

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Going to Wal-Mart By Age Scenario:


You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn,
putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty,
covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know, the outfit -
shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an
old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project
you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex.
Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some
hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl
running the register.

In your 30's: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb
your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite
cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to
someone you went to school with.

In your 40's: Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the
hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.
Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on
a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.
The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird
thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto
your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car.
Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it
makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming
and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from
Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'

In your 60's: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit
off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you
have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the
register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on your shoes. The young
thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around
trying to think what the hell it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think
you heard someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady
who greeted you at the front door.

_________________
If your clutch ain't slippin,, you probably got it adjusted right!!!!!

Subject: morning quickies


QUICKIE #1
A boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?"


Granny replies, "fudge the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"



_-^^^-_-^^^-_-^^^-_-^^^-_



QUICKIE #2
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror, says to her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment."



He replies, "Your eyesight is perfect."



_-^^^-_-^^^-_-^^^-_-^^^-_


QUICKIE #3
Wife gets naked & asks hubby, "What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

Hubby looks her up & down and replies, "Your sense of humour!"



_-^^^-_-^^^-_-^^^-_-^^^-_


QUICKIE #4
An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the husband leans over and says to his wife, "I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?"

She replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know.
No I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you.
After all you are giving it to my wife.


1.Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.


2.You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer.
It is fine if you have a couple while you visit (god knows I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.


3. If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.


4.Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all.
For some reason my 5 year old son believes if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recommend a better spot?

5.After being with my wife please use something disposable to clean up with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, I run out of time rushing to work.
Last week my sweatshirt was a bit nasty.(thanks).


6. Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not mentally challenged.


7.Please stop turning the heat up, You pay nothing and the gas company is putting it in my a**, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.


8.When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.


9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday.
My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.


10.Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.


Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only ordered one meal.I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become awkward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.


P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Disney World on the 3rd of October for four days,
I have a bottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Here's a good one
RECTUM STRETCHER


While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a
bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in
wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'

To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'

'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'

I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.

The cop stammered, 'A what? A rectum stretcher?
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'

'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up
to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I
work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly
but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'

'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?', he asked.

'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face............... Priceless

DISTANCE
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and
one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away...
Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Hello ooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank
'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

According to the U.S. Census Bureau:

190,374 people are having sex right now,

212,130 are kissing,

and

1 lonely person is reading internet forum posts.

You hang in there............

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Whether Democrat or Republican,
you'll get a kick out of this!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks,
'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:


I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call
her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you
the People.


The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad
has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he
gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds
his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees
his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father,
'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words
what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the
Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.
The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

This almost deserves it's own thread.

Apparently, a self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. 'You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one' the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. 'The Young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon. Our space probes have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, ships and electric and hydrogen cars, cell phones. Computers with light-speed processing... And more.' After a brief silence the senior citizen responded as follows: 'You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young ... so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little sh*t, what are you doing for the next generation?

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!'

'That's amazing,' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $1,000' the young cowboy says. 'I'll get him in the course.'

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

'So how's Ol' Blue doing son?' his father asks.

'Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm,' he says, 'but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach
the animals how to read!'

'Read!' says his father, 'No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?'

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class.'

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. 'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!'

'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol ' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.

Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing' around with that little redhead who lives in town?'

The father exclaimed, 'I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!'

'That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer .... ... And then he went on to become a Congressman.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page