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| JOTD http://www.woodsbuggy.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=1681 |
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| Author: | turboblue [ Tue Nov 05, 2013 6:11 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: JOTD |
A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?" The bride to be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil." The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time – for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?" "Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again." "What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk. "That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened." |
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| Author: | turboblue [ Mon Dec 09, 2013 1:31 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: JOTD |
Husband walks into his house with a duck under his arm. Wife is standing in the kitchen and he says: "That's the pig I've been sleeping with". Wife looks at him and replies: "That's not a pig, that's a duck". Husband says: "I was talking to the duck"............ 
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| Author: | purplerail [ Sun Jan 05, 2014 4:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: JOTD |
Joe, a young journalism graduate from Arkansas, had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to Joe and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas. Deep in the woods, Joe came upon a farmer’s house and decided this would be a good place to start. He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Rusty) agreed to answer his questions. Joe asked farmer Rusty: What event in his life had made him the happiest? Farmer Rusty replied, “One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all had sex with it, we took it back to the farmer that lost it.” “I can’t print that,” said Joe the reporter, “Is there another event that made you really happy?” Farmer Rusty thought for a minute and said, “Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin’ young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us had sex with her, we took her back to her daddy.” Again Joe knew he couldn’t print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer Rusty, “Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad?” Farmer Rusty hung his head and replied, “Well, I got lost once". in Arkansas |
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| Author: | purplerail [ Sun Jan 05, 2014 4:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: JOTD |
Guy walks into convenience store and says, "I need three packs of condoms please." The cashier rang him up and asked, "You want a bag with those?" Insulted, the guy says, "Nah, she ain't THAT ugly!" |
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| Author: | turboblue [ Tue Oct 14, 2014 12:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: JOTD |
Bruce wanted desperately to have sex with his really, really hot neighbor. But she was married to someone else. One day Bruce got so frustrated that he went to her and said I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you. The girl looked at him and then said, "NO!" Bruce said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her husband. So she called him and explained the situation. Her husband said, "ask him for $200 and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down. Then give me a call." She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the husband is still waiting for his wife's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the husband calls and asks, "What happened?" Still breathing hard, she replied, "the bastard had all quarters". |
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| Author: | 2800passat [ Tue Oct 14, 2014 3:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: JOTD |
Long Ding Dong a Chinese guy calls in sick and says , Boss I no feel good. Boss says, Long just do what I do and go bow the ol lady up and you WILL feel great! Ok boss. Long calls work back much later. Boss! I do what you say. I feel great! I come to work now, chop chop! Oh, by the way boss, you have nice house. |
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