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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Dec 29, 2010 11:13 am 
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Texting for seniors

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CGU: Can't get up
CGIP: Can't get IT up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
PIMP: Pooped in my pants
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 11:30 am 
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*** Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 1:45 pm 
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Posts: 1049
Location: Birmingham Alabama
turboblue wrote:
Joke of the day:

A bald man with a wooden leg is invited to a Halloween party.
He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he
writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief
will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just
right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Hey that joke ain't funny. When I was little my Dad had a wooden leg and every evening when he'd get home he' put his foot down. :P :P :P Or maybe that joke was "lame"? :lol:

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his
wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he
receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit.
The long robe will cover your Wooden
leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.


Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his
wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company
another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and
a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your
wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.


Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 11:11 am 
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The Drunk...

Did you hear about the guy who was in a bar about as drunk as its possible to get?



A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be Good Samaritans and take him home.



First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.



He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud.



After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.



His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband home!"



His wife asks..... "Where's his wheelchair?"

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 6:22 pm 
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GOTTA PEE

Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten overly-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.

The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned
That his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so
he phoned the other husband and said:
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.
My wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....

'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.'

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 3:48 pm 
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Location: franklin indiana
THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama ) light it, put it in a beer can(COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana , Arkansas , Mississippi , parts of Georgia , Missouri , West Virginia , and ALL OF WASHINGTON, DC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 12:45 pm 
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The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk.The people did some research and found they could buy a cow in
Kansas for $200.00.

They bought the cow from Kansas and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased
and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their
milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening.

"Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches
her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Kansas ?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow in Kansas ?
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,
"My wife is from Kansas "

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:08 pm 
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The Texas Department of Safety Officer pulled over SUV owner Mike for a
weapons check because of an NRA bumper sticker.

When the officer approached the vehicle, the man behind the wheel handed
the officer his driver's license, insurance card and concealed carry
permit.

The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. "Mr.
Murray, I see you have a CCW. Do you have any weapons with you?"

The driver replied, " Yes I do. I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a
.45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot."

The officer looked at Mike and asked, "Anything else?"

"Yes. I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 in the back."

The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range and
the man said he wasn't, so the officer bent over and looked into the
driver's face and said "Mr. Murray, you're are carrying quite a few guns.
May I ask what you are afraid of?

Mike locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered,

"Nothing."

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 Post subject: Really Good Deed
PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:53 pm 
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This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in." The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of' em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me. So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them,' Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'" St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?" "Er.. about two minutes ago."

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 9:20 pm 
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Location: Hazel Green, Alabama
:D

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Sep 07, 2011 5:06 pm 
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Often folks will ask what would I change if I were to have another life to live from scratch. Well, after pondering all the alternatives, I finally decided how it would be structured. So, here is the plan:
I want to live my next life backwards. I start out dead and get that ugly part out of the way right off the bat.
Then, I wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
When I am finally kicked out of the home for being too healthy, I spend several years enjoying my retirement and collecting benefit checks.
When I start work, I get a gold watch on my first day.
I work 45 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon I’m too young to work.
Then I'd go to college, pretend to study, party, play doctor with all the cute ladies, and drink a lot more.
So then, I go to high school and play sports, date, drink, and party.
As I get even younger, I become a kid again. I go to elementary school, play, and have no responsibilities whatsoever.
In a few years, I become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping me happy.
I spend my last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap and someone singing to me relaxing lullabies.
Until finally...I finish off as an orgasm.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 6:34 pm 
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My wife says to me the other night

"How come we don't make love like they do in the movies?”

So I bent her over the table, slapped her on each ass cheek a dozen times, grabbed her by the hair and yanked her neck back so she’d be forced to watch me jackhammer her from behind, then flipped her over and came on her face....


Turns out we don't watch the same movies.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:26 am 
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A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left
her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the
nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a
chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She
seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways
in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her
and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she
slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back
and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.
Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to
her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:30 pm 
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Location: wooster ohio
turboblue wrote:

So I bent her over the table, slapped her on each ass cheek a dozen times, grabbed her by the hair and yanked her neck back so she’d be forced to watch me jackhammer her from behind, then flipped her over and came on her face....




Thats how my lady likes it :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 11:06 am 
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tw9294 wrote:
turboblue wrote:

So I bent her over the table, slapped her on each ass cheek a dozen times, grabbed her by the hair and yanked her neck back so she’d be forced to watch me jackhammer her from behind, then flipped her over and came on her face....




Thats how my lady likes it :mrgreen:



She got a sister?......... 8)

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:18 am 
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A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOD!!!" screamed the lawyer.

;
(keep reading)


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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Nov 22, 2011 6:39 pm 
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Little Henry and Becky are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Henry goes to Becky's father to ask him for her hand.

Henry bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Becky are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Henry, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Henry replies, "In Becky's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Becky."

Again, Henry instantly replies, "Our allowance, Becky makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed Henry has put so much thought into this.

"Well Henry, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of you own?

Henry just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 10:15 pm 
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ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME!


His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.





He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.





Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'



'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'



The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 1:57 pm 
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Definition of a nervous wreck;

Having a home mortgage, a car payment, a wife and a girlfriend.

And they are all a month late........... :shock:

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:39 pm 
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Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a
Deserted street with your wife
And two small children.

Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife
Comes around the corner,
Locks eyes with you,
Screams obscenities,
Raises the knife, and charges at you...

You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat's Answer:


· Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! ·What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP? · Does the man look poor or oppressed? · Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling? · Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? · Could we run away? · What does my wife think? · What about the kids? · Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? · What does the law say about this situation? · Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it? · Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? · Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? · Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? · If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? · Should I call 9-1-1? · Why is this street so deserted? · We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day. · Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. · I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus. · This is all so confusing!

Republican's Answer:

BANG!


........... ......... ......... ......... ....... ......... ........ .....

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click.....

(Sounds of reloading)


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2011 6:12 pm 
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Man says to wife.. "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
Wife replies "Take half and leave your ass"
Husband replies "Good, I won $12 so here is $6......now get the hell out.

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:08 pm 
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I you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope
for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this
slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of
the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in
Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off
about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of
a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an
inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for
directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was
assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have
free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".


Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 – MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI…

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy cow, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.



CHILI # 2 – AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI…

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.

Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 – FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI…

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.
Get me more beer before I ignite. The Barmaid pounded me on the back, now
my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting tippy
from all of the beer.


CHILI # 4 – BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC…

Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the
beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB
woman is starting to look HOT…just like this nuclear waste I'm
eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER…

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and
I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me
needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that
her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from
bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if
I'm burning my lips off. It really angers that the other judges
asked me to stop screaming like a little girl. I will get even with those rednecks.


CHILI # 6 – VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY…

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian vari ety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggress! ive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulfuric flames. I messed myself when I farted and I'm
worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand
behind me except Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to
wipe my tongue with a snow cone.


CHILI # 7 – SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am
worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he
is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava
to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what
killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Forget it;
I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in
through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI…

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 – No Report… Was mumbling something about Momma

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:26 pm 
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That's a good one! Sounds like nitro was judge #3,just sounds like something he'd do,lol.Chad :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:34 pm 
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Yea I stole that one off one of them there SXS sites. You know the Buggys everybody is up in arms about lately. Yes this was an additional joke for the thread! :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: JOTD
PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 12:50 pm 
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Odyknuck wrote:
Yea I stole that one off one of them there SXS sites. You know the Buggys everybody is up in arms about lately. Yes this was an additional joke for the thread! :wink:


Dear god! That day was the single biggest mistake of my life. I can't look at a bowl of chili without farting still to this day. :mrgreen:

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