I think I might have dated your daughter..........ONCE!!!!!!!

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

An old man and woman were sitting on the front porch in their rocking chairs. The old woman said I belive I would like to have an ice cream. The old man said, well just sit right there and I will go get us one. The old lady said I want vanilla with sprinkles. No problem the old man said I will be right back. You better write it down or you gonna forget it said the old woman. Fart, woman replied the old man, I can remember that, i'll be right back.

He returns about 30 minutes later holding two ham sandwiches, he hands the woman hers and she looks at it shaking her head. She says I told you to write it down, I new you'd forget. I wanted mayonaise on mine!!!

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

[quote='spectater']I think I might have dated your daughter..........ONCE!!!!!!![/quote]

Could not have been you......you are still here........

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

You just thought you beat me to death, I am currently living in an undisclosed location and in the fear for your life witness protection program

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.


Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"


The other old lady said, "It's a condom." "A condom? Where do you get those?"The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?" The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, Whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer; dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Three mice were sitting in a bar drinking. The first mouse said Im such a bad ass I can run around the house in broad day light and not a single one of those humans can come close to catching me.

The second mouse said i can top that, I can run through the house in broad day light and snag every piece of cheese off of every trap and never come close to being killed.

The third mouse just looked at the other two, finished his drink and started to walk away. The other mice said hey where the hell you going?
Third mouse said, Its gettin dark, I gotta get home and fudge the cat.

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

THE LAW IS THE LAW

So if the US government determines that it is against the
law for the words "under God" to be on our money, then,
so be it.

And if that same government decides that the"Ten Commandments"
are not to be used in or on a government installation, then,
so be it.

I say," so be it," because I would like to be a
law abiding US citizen.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to think that smarter
people than I are in positions to make good decisions.

I would like to think that those people have the
American public's best interests at heart.
BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'D LIKE?


Since we can't pray to God, can't Trust in God
and cannot post His Commandments in Government buildings,
I don't believe the Government and its
employees should participate in the
Easter and Christmas celebrations which honor the God
that our government is eliminating from many facets of American life.

I'd like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday,Thanksgiving &Easter.
After all, it's just another day.

I'd like the" US Supreme Court to be in session on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving &Easter aswell as Sundays." After all, it's just another day.

I'd like the Senate and the House of Representatives
to not have to worry about getting home for the"Christmas Break."
After all it's just another day.

I'm thinking that a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved,
if all government offices &services would work on Christmas,
Good Friday & Easter. It shouldn't cost any overtime since those would be
just like any other day of the week to a government that is trying to be
"politically correct."
In fact....
I think that our government should work on Sundays
(initially set aside for worshipping God...)
because, after all, our government says that

it should be just another day....
What do you all think????


If this idea gets to enough people, maybe our elected

officials will stop giving in to the "minority opinions"
and begin, once again, to represent the "majority"
of ALL of the American people. SO BE IT...........


Please Dear Lord,
Give us the help needed to keep you in our country!
'Amen' and 'Amen' Touch

I like that bruce. Anybody like the mouse joke???

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

Why do hindus have that red dot on their head????


When they turn 21 they scratch it off to see if they've won a 7-11 or a citgo!!!!!!!

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

Bush at School
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR.

After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.

"Stanley," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Stanley?"

"I have 4 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

A woman was in a coma. The Dr was in the room he ran his hand up her leg and gave that thing a little wiggle and she moved . So the Dr went out to the waiting room and got the womans husband and told him "go in there and have oral sex with your wife I think it might wake her up" so the man goes in .Just a few minutes later the man comes out and says "Dr. come quick, my wife is dead" and the Dr. said "what happened"? The husband said "I think she choked to death!"

Two old women were sitting around talking. One old lady says to the other, I must have the nastyiest old man in the world for a neighbor.Why, the other one asks.
Well she says, every time I look out the window that old man is getting naked in his living room. Well I dont think he would do that says the other. No, its true says the old woman, come in here and see. Look out that window and tell me what you see.
The other old woman looks and says, I cant see anything over this bush in front of the window.
Well here says the old woman stand up on this bucket like I do.

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

A Rabbi who was getting on in years looked back over his long career. He realized that he had never made any real sacrifices in his service to God. Having served in a lush temple in a very wealthy area.
He made the decision to become a misionary to a third world tribe in South American. After a very long trip he arrived at his new home among the Trids. A very backward tribe from deep in the jungle.
After many months of living with the Trids it was announced one day that the holy fruit had ripened and the entire tribe would climb the rocky ledges to the mountian above their village and pick the fruit that would feed them for the rest of the year. As the Trids began to solemly fall in line for the arduous journey the Rabbi followed along. After many hour of relentlesly climbing the mountian the Trids arrived at the final ledge. The first Trid carefully took his basket and scaled the ledge and began to slowely walk towards the lifegiving fruit trees. When suddenly from out of the trees ran a horrible monster he ran sreaming and howling toward the helpless Trid and kicked him so hard he went hurdling to the bottom of the ledge. Then one after the other the Trids climbed up and were brutally kicked back down, each without the fruit they so desperatly needed. Finally all the was left was the Rabbi. Realizing that this was his chance to show his faith in God and that the Trids would look down upon him if he did not try. Slowly and with great fear the Rabbi started up the ledge with his basket. As he got to the top he peared over and saw the awful monster standing there waiting for him. He summuned all his courage and stood on the edge. The Monster only stared at him. He walked over to the trees and filled his basket. Still the monster only stared. Then he handed the basket to the trids below and they gave him another and the Rabbi filled it. Then another and another. After many hours the baskets were all full and the Rabbi prepared to climb down the ledge. But first he walked over to the still staring monster. He asked the monster why he had been so cruel and kicked every Trid off the ledge but allowed him to fill all the baskets. The monster looked the Rabbi right in the eyes and said Silly Rabbi kicks are for Trids.
Now there's 2 minutes you will never get back, HAHA

_________________
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you don't care who gets the credit.-
Harry S. Truman

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better.
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child".
"So what do you think about that Doc?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season."
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."
As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went "bang, bang".
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
"Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

hahah i like that one

A woman went to the grocery store on a hot summer day and on here way home she herd two gun shots and then she felt something hit her in the back of her head.she put her hand on her head and felt her brains hanging out so she called 911. when the squad got ther they were checking her wound.to find out that a couple of cans of bicuits blew up and hit her in the head.........sounds like something my wife would do. lol

_________________
"It is easy to be brave from a safe distance."

turbo I did not think you had it in you .WoW you have topped your self

my edit
I have read it again I now think it is
at the top of my list of very very stuff LMAO

A man walks in to a bar and sits down, he heres music playing but cant dicover the source. He looks down the bar to discover a tiny little man about 10 inches tall playing the piano.
He motions for the bartender and asks "where in the world did you find that little guy. The bar tender reaches under the bar and sits an old oil lamp on front of the customer. I rubbbed this lamp and a geine appeared before me. He said I could have one wish ,and thats how I got my little piani player.
Amazed the customer asked "can I give it a try?' Sure said the bartender just be carefull what you wish for. The customer snatched the lamp up and gave it a quick rub. To his astonishment a huge geine appeared out of the lamp and said " you have one wish, what will it be". The customer replied "I want a million bucks". The geine nodded his head and in the blink of an eye the bar was filled with a million ducks. What happened said the customer to the bar tender, that didnt worlk worth a damn.
Well, the bartender replied, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch pianist!!

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.

She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just
recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's
office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him
sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

On the farm lived
a chicken and a
horse, both of whom
loved to play
together.


One day the two
were playing,
when the horse
fell into a bog and
began to sink.

Scared for his life,
the horse whinnied
for the chicken to
go get the farmer
for help!

Off the chicken ran,
back to the farm.
Arriving at the farm,
he searched and
searched for the
farmer, but to no
avail, for he had
gone to town with
the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the
farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys
in the ignition, the
chicken sped off
with a length of
rope hoping he
still had time to
save his friend's
life.

Back at the bog,
the horse was
surprised, but
happy, to see the
chicken arrive on
the shiny Harley,
and he managed to
get a hold of the
loop of rope the
chicken tossed to
him.

After tying the
other end to the
rear bumper of
the farmer's bike,
the chicken then
drove slowly
forward and,
with the aid of
the powerful bike,
rescued the horse!

Happy and proud,
the chicken rode
the Harley back
to the farmhouse,
and the farmer
was none the
wiser when he
returned.

The friendship
between the two
animals was
cemented: Best
Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later,
the chicken fell into
a mud pit, and soon,
he too, began to
sink and cried out
to the horse to save
his life!

The horse thought
a moment, walked
over, and straddled
the large puddle.

Looking underneath,
he told the chicken
to grab his hangy-
down thingy and he
would then lift him
out of the pit.

The chicken got a
good grip, and the
horse pulled him up
and out, saving his
life.

The moral of the
story?
(yep, you betcha,
there is a moral!)

"When You're Hung
Like A Horse, You
Don't Need A Harley
To Pick Up Chicks"

Dear Diary,

Day 1

We just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.
When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.


Day 2

Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me.
He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know.
Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know!
I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.


Day 3

This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs.
Something must change soon.


Day 4

I'm hoping for a miracle.
It's called Viagra.
I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night.
I think this will work.
I replaced his Prozac Pills with the Viagra Pills, hoping to lift something other than his mood.


Day 5

What absolute bliss!!.


Day 6

Isn't life wonderful.
But it's difficult to write while he's exercising his new found MANHOOD.


Day 7

This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended!
Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper.
He thought they were talking about him.
But, I have to admit it's very nice -- I don't think I've ever been so happy.


Day 8

I think he took too many over the weekend.
Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his "new" friend as a weed whacker.
I'm also getting a bit sore.


Day 9

No time to write. He might catch me.


Day 10

Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much.
What am I going to do?


Day 11

I'm basically being screwed to death here. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill.
I woke up this morning pinned to the bed.
He's a complete PIG.


Day 12

I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing makeup, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me!
Even yawning has become dangerous..


Day 13

Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile.
I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again,
I'll kill the bastard.


Day 14

I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working.
I even started dressing like a Nun, but this just seems to make him hornier.
Help me!


Day 15

I think I'll have to kill him.
The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more.


Day 16

The bastard has started to complain about not getting enough.
I hope the bloody thing explodes.
I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.


Day 17

Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference...
crap! Here he comes again!


Day 18

Aaaahhhh! He's back on Prozac.
The lazy bastard just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him.

What absolute bliss!!

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

You know they came up with a substitute for viagra/?!!!
Its part fix-a-flat and part miracle grow, ..... its called Flat Miracle

_________________
If its got boobs or a motor its gonna give you trouble!!

T.B.-I haven't laughed like that since......your last joke. Keep up the good work!

_________________
Where did you say the weenie trail is?

Mental Health Outsourcing

Last night I was depressed so I called Lifeline.
Got their call center in Pakistan...
and told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

_________________
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you don't care who gets the credit.-
Harry S. Truman