And Cheap Too!

_________________
Water cooled Dry Sumped Subaru Powered Turbo Charged Fuel Injected 2500CC Tank. Oh Rah! He who dies with the most Toys not only wins, He also wears them out!

California vs. Arizona

Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks dog.

#1. Governor starts to intervene, reflects upon the movie "Bambi"
and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is
natural.

#2. He calls animal control. Animal control captures coyote and
spends $200 testing it for diseases and $500 upon relocating it.

#3. He calls veterinarian. Vet collects dead dog and spends $200
testing it for diseases.

#4. Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for
diseases from the coyote and on getting bite wound bandaged.

#5. Running trail gets shut down for 6 months while wildlife
services conduct a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is clear
of dangerous animals.

#6. Governor spends $50,000 of state funds implementing a "coyote
awareness" program for residents of the area.

#7. State legislature spends $2 million investigating how to better
handle rabies and how to possibly eradicate the disease.

#8. Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack
and for letting the Governor intervene.

#9. Cost: $75,000 to train new security agent.

#10. PETA protests the coyote relocation and files suit against the
state.

Arizona

#1. Governor shoots coyote and keeps jogging. Governor has spent
$0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
Buzzards eat dead coyote.


Any wonder why California is broke????

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pets, Bella & Bandit, the Dynamic Duo, and was in the checkout line
when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
�
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since it was the weekend and had little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
�
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two
every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone
in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off
a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
�
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
�
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

_________________
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]

[/url]

1. A man comes into the ER and yells 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'


I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.



Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco



2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.


'Big breaths,'. .. ... I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.


Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle , WA


3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.


Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a 'massive internal fart.'


Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.


'Which one ?'. .. .. I asked.


'The patch ....... '


'The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!'

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man
had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.


Submitted by Dr Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk , VA


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .

'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'


Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson,
Corvallis , OR


6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked .. . . 'So how's your breakfast this morning?'


'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste' . .
Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'


Submitted by Dr.. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit


7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . ..


It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo
that read . . . 'Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn...'


Submitted by RN no name


AND FINALLY!! ! ... . . . ... . . . .. ... . . . ...


8 As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassing me.

I looked up from my work and sheepishly said 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . ... ...
'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . .

'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener..'


Dr. wouldn't submit his name . . .

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A blonde girl came home from college one day and told her mother that a boy had paid her a dollar to climb up a ladder and get his ball from off the roof.
"You silly girl," her mother said, "he just wanted you to climb the ladder so he could look up your skirt and see your undies."
The next day the same little girl came home from college and told her mother that the same boy gave her a dollar again to climb a ladder and get his ball off the roof. Just before her mother could admonish her for being silly, the little girl said, "No mum, this time I tricked him. I wasn't wearing any undies!"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend; she was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside... With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

And the moral of this story is always keep your condoms in your car.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman. "Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?" "Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar." The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz." The bartender nodded, "Well, heck, if you're that far along you might as well finish the job."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a bar-bitch-you-ate."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk.. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher,

"How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!"
Then I would say,"It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

_________________
Water cooled Dry Sumped Subaru Powered Turbo Charged Fuel Injected 2500CC Tank. Oh Rah! He who dies with the most Toys not only wins, He also wears them out!

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

''Mommy,'' the little girl asks, ''how old are you?''

''Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,'' the mother replies.
''It's not polite..''

''OK'', the little girl says, ''How much do you weigh?''

''Now really,'' the mother says, ''those are personal questions and are really
none of your business.''

Undaunted, the little girl asks, ''Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?''

''That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!''

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

''My Mom won't tell me anything about herself'', the little girl says to her
friend.

''Well,'' says the friend, ''all you need to do is look at her driver's
license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.''

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, ''I know how old you
are. You are 32.''

The mother is surprised and asks, ''How did you find that out?''

''I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.''

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. ''How in Heaven's name did you
find that out?''

''And'', the little girl says triumphantly,
''I know why you and daddy got a divorce.''

''Oh, really?'' the mother asks. ''Why?''

''Because you got an F in sex.''

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, 'I clocked you
at 80 miles per hour , sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps
your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear,
you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and
growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says,'You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit
fitted in the car he had just pulled over, the man glowers at his wife and
says through clenched teeth, 'Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?


The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat
belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off
when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket
'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat
belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns
to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk
to you this way, Ma'am?'




The wife replies 'Only when he's been drinking'

_________________
Water cooled Dry Sumped Subaru Powered Turbo Charged Fuel Injected 2500CC Tank. Oh Rah! He who dies with the most Toys not only wins, He also wears them out!

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.
Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive".
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$ 10.00 a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110 "I know," said Grandpa.
"The hundred is from Grandma."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

DO you know what happened 160 years ago this fall... back in 1850?


California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.


So basically nothing has changed, except then the women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands.

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps..
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit,
They passed in front of a large, silverblack gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
"Now..... show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
"Now. Tell him you have a headache."

_________________
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]

[/url]

A dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give a man a shot.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects. "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having a gas mask on suffocates me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra."

The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold onto while I pull your tooth."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

A woman brought a very limp duck into
a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her
pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the
bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook
his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry,
your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you
sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,"
replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested.
"I mean you haven't done any testing
on him or anything. He might just be in
a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around
and left the room. He returned a few minutes
later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the
duck's owner looked on in amazement,
the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front
paws on the examination table and sniffed
the duck from top to bottom. He then looked
up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took
it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat.
The cat jumped on the table and also
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot.
The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its
head, meowed softly and strolled out of the
room.

The vet looked at the woman and said,
"I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely,
100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a
few keys and produced a bill, which he handed
to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried,
"$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had
just taken my word for it, the bill would have
been $20, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it's now $150."

_________________
Water cooled Dry Sumped Subaru Powered Turbo Charged Fuel Injected 2500CC Tank. Oh Rah! He who dies with the most Toys not only wins, He also wears them out!

2 guys are sitting at lunch, !rst one says - Have you ever seen an icecube with a hole in it ?
2cnd guy says - Seen one! BEEN MARRIED TO ONE FOR 15 YEARS

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'


The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.


In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times....

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii . I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas , and Earlene got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different ?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me."

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

The giant cigarette lighter

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says “Wow, that’s a huge lighter…where did you get it?”
The guy replies “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.”
“Great, can I try it?”
“Sure.”
The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish” says the genie.
The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears.
A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.
“I can’t believe this,” says the guy who had just placed his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”

The second guy then says, “Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?”

_________________
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying: "Damn that was fun!"



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5wGMaUMXUQ

Can YOU SOLVE THIS RIDDLE?????
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
For the answer, scroll down.


































* Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round. *

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

UK CLASSIFIED ADS
You have to love British humor!
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel,
1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker.
Billy Connolly -
"If women are so bloody perfect at multi-tasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Buddy of mine told me his wife just had a call from a charity asking her to donate some of her clothes
to the starving people throughout the world.


He told her to tell them to kiss her ass.
Anybody who fits into those clothes ain't starving.



And then the beatings continued.............

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

This is probably a repost but still funny.........

MY LAST TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow
For my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line
when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up
in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in
an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs
in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that
it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so
it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's
ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
Laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all
your retired friends...... it will be their laugh for the day!!!

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY


There is a new study about women and how they feel
about their asses; the results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their ass is too fat.

10% of women think their ass is too skinny.

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a

good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

_________________
Mike
Got Honda?