That..........that was absolutely hilarious Darlene.........

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Liked that one, did ya, Turbo?

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Well it wasn't piss my pants funny but damn close honey.........
Poet and didn't know it........damn.......

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

This letter was sent to the principal's office after an elementary school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady had received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize, and was writing to say thank you. Dear Faculty and Students, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at an Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I received this one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of little pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said "fudge you". Thank you for that opportunity. Sincerely, Agnes

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

There were these two guys at the pub, and one guy said to the other, ''Let's go downtown and get a couple of girls!'' So they went downtown that night, but the girls they found thought they were sleazy and decided to play a trick on them by slipping out and sticking blow-up dolls in the beds.

The next morning one of the guys said, ''I think my girl was dead, because she didn't grunt or groan when we were having sex last night.'' The other guy said, ''I think my girl was a witch, because when I bit her on the tit she hissed and flew away

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

But do they bloom???

I wonder if they come in different colors?

I wonder about the fragrance?

I wonder if it would help to put those preservative packets in the water.

I wonder if they bloom.

I wonder whether they would look better on the kitchen table or in the entry.

I wonder if they're cheaper by the dozen.

I wonder if they come long-stemmed.





Captured at 115th and Allisonville Rd. in Fishers (Indianapolis). The sign is real and was up for two hours before someone stopped and told them how to spell PEO NI ES

_________________
Kathy
"It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man".
http://www.dandkoff-roadpark.com/forum.html

THE WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary get married but could not afford a honeymoon, so they go
back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and
Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No"

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think!

Just go to school"



Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,

'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies 'No.'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school.'



After school, Johnny comes home and ask again,

'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says 'No.'

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'


He says:'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I
think.....I gave him my airplane glue!'

_________________
George & "G"girl --George went and got his own login so it just me... Sandra

A day spent with friends is always a day well spent!

Just because your mouth has the ability to open, doesn't mean you should let it.

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.



She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.



A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.



She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'



He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,

I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.



She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.



He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line.

It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.'



She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.



I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.



'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.



She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind.

At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted.

Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.



The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'



The woman is totally confused by this and asks,

'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'



He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.'

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his penis and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his penis and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists.

A few more minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes his penis out and wipes the tip off.

The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are you?"

The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The woman, now feeling badly, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?"

The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.


Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.


Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.


Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!



Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.


George Z.H.W. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.


Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Tue. Wed. Thurs. only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.


Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States


Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.


Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.


Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.


New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030 .


IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

_________________
I refuse to grow up therefore I will never grow old, and I will never die.

HAHAHAHA that was hilarious bruce!!!

_________________

-Dakotah/koko
keep on keepin' on!!

(Maybe be a repost but still funny as hell)

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her to see what work of God had
captured her attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she
asked.

'They're mating,' her father replied.

'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.

'That's a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.

'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little
girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he
replied 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a
moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat,
saying 'Well, we're not having any of that
Brokeback Mountain shit in our garden.'

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

Cowboy: 'That your dog?'
Indian: 'Yep.'
Cowboy: 'Mind if I speak to him?'
Indian: 'Dog no talk.'
Cowboy: 'Hey dog, how's it going?'
Dog: 'Doin' all right.'
Indian: (Look of shock!)
Cowboy: 'Is this Indian your owner?' (Pointing at the Indian)
Dog: 'Yep.'
Cowboy: 'How's he treating you?'
Dog: 'Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.'
Indian: (Look of total disbelief)
Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Indian: 'Horse no talk.'
Cowboy: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse: 'Cool.'
Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)
Cowboy: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing to the Indian)
Horse: 'Yep.'
Cowboy: 'How's he treating you?'
Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather.'
Indian: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
Indian: 'Sheep lie.'

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

How to save the airlines.

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Islamic terrorists would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

It would be a good opportunity for a father to teach his son the ways of life. Or determine if he's gay early on.

Btw, I'm Darlene and Doyle's little sister.

Honored to be the subject of your first post, welcome.............

_________________
Gary

Turbo VW Sand Racer
Polaris Ranger



"If you don't run into the Devil every once in awhile, you must be going in the same direction!"

Davis Motorsports FaceBook Page

An elderly couple went to the fair and decided to look at the livestock before they went and saw the rest of the stuff at the fair. When they entered they livestock barn the first thing they saw was pen with a large bull in it and a sign that said " This bull mated 50 times last year. "

The wife poked her husband in the arm and said " Thats once a week honey, you could learn something from this bull. "

The husband shrugged and they moved on to the next pen, this pen contained an even bigger bull and a sign that read " This bull mated over 150 times last year. "

The wife jabbed her husband in the ribs and said " Thats 3 times a week, you could really learn something this bull! " The husband sighed and shrugged his shoulders and walked to next pen.

There was an even bigger bull in this pen with a sign that said "This bull mated 365 times last year! " The wife kicked her husband in the leg and said " You son of a bitch thats once a day, you need to talk to that bull and find out how he does it! "





The husband looked at his wife and said " Go over there and ask that bull if it was the same dam cow every time!!!!!!! "

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

The Broken Lawn Mower

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is usually the husband.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will have a limp.

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms
or legs. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you....you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you! She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!" She raised
an eyebrow and gazed intently.

"Are you still good in bed?"
With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said... "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

Two Trees and a Woodpecker


Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree, & replies, 'It is
neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.



It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.'
Now wipe that smile off your face. And pass it on!

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

"Good evening ladies", Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.

"Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked. "No", Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."

"Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."

"The prostitute", he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."

"Amazing!" Watson exclaimed. "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"

"Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other."

_________________
harleys and vws----ac all the way

I love my country, But i fear my government

TOO FUNNY HH

_________________

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
Thomas Jefferson

Darlene

Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?

A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

What's the difference between snot and cauliflower?

Kids will eat snot.

_________________
i dont always ride my buggy but when i do im glad it has a bad ass bow tie makin the horsepower

Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks im an asshole.

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!